I have aloud my world to be turned upside down by the opposite sex. Why, only God knows. I was going good and strong, loving singletonsville until it found me. Again! That terrible feeling of being alone, not being wanted and feeling as if you have lost your mojo. I did everything to get some good joojoo, I even asked my boss to do a reading on me. All I got from that was, keep on doing what your doing and it will all work out.
I think she was referring to this one chap, Rory. He seemed like a fantastic catch; stable, attractive, funny, caring, amazing tongue, you know what we all look for in a guy. Oh wait I forgot to mention that he is so nervous of women, and that his bark is worse then his bite. I guess no matter how old they are, a player is always a player. He brought on the charm, the charisma, the look, and BAM I was mesmerized. Hook, line and blady coffin. He shared with me that he has a son he has never seen with some auntie from god forsaken shit whole. But hey who am I to judge. We went for a wonderful ‘date’, or so I thought. I got the tickets for a comedy show and he treated me to Sushi. The evening went well, we laughed, shared and nearly got deep, with conversation of course. Sadly, after the evening I went home and heard nothing from him. This is the part where someone with some dignity should walk away. Alas, I have none. So I called like I always do and (because I couldn’t be asked to write out the whole brain numbing process, and because I think some of you already know how it goes), it fizzled out. Once again Mr. Perfect had left the building.
Then there was this other chap, nothing I wanted from him. Actually don’t even know why he is being mentioned but I have to inform you of the ‘goings on’. Or at least the ‘what went on’. Enter idiot number 56. Now that I think of it I have cant remember how we meet actually, oh yes. Through a friend! God loves those friends. In Howick, I answered Stephens’s phone and spoke to someone who sounded very rough and rugged, just my type. We flirted as one does with complete strangers, and then I passed the phone onto the birthday boy. Long story short, we hooked up that night and I had my first dirt road experience. A few months later and plenty of emotional swings, he is now happily involved with some bird with a kid. Good luck to then all that are kicked to the curb and find themselves an instant family. Isn’t that spectacular! Like I said, we go for the broken ones, the runts give them a piece of our soul and are rewarded with a ‘its not you, its me’, not that that has ever happened to me. Have used it on a few don’t worry I know; Karma, she’s a bitch. (Wait I have to mention that while him and his instant family were doing so well, when he found out I was going to be in Howick he let me know he could always ‘slip away’ for a few hours…classy!)
Which brings us to the end of 2008. Welcome to a fresh start, new beginning, planting a new freaking forest, bring on 2009. How do I see in the NY? Well you can guess. That’s right, a wee bit drunk and shagging in the back of a white BMW 1 series. (Who’s the classy one now bitches!) I have to admit though, he has been in my sight line for quite sometime, I just had to go there. Knowing full well that nothing would ever come of it and no one could ever know. It still makes me smile that I have this one DLS. (Dirty little secret). First tag and release of the year. Great! Ok so now I’m in for a fresh start, planting the New Forest and all that Dr. Phil shit. WooHoo! Let’s go girls. Fun times stay focused. Don’t, give in to temptation, and resist. You can do it! Along came Facebook, and all its applications; namely Speed date. Just because my life is not complicated enough, I have to find all the sex starved, issue filled ones.
Well today is not so bad for me, I have thought about my so called feelings for this certain individual and my oh my, one of those "What the heck was I thinking?!" He is cute and easy on the eyes but that’s about it! This Mr. C, well where do I begin. Met through FB and thought ok I could go there, he is my age, a Porra and sort of established. Boy was I wrong. Don’t you hate it when that happens? There we were, drunk on a Friday night, my person in the back seat begging me to go home so that we could sleep it off, and I was ranting and raving about how we going to meet these boys. We jest set off in our drunk state, meet up with the ‘boys’ and well what was supposed to be an interesting night (in the good way) turned out to be a laugh a minute. Obviously they had to compensate for their small members, because once we left the club they started with their ‘My dicks bigger than your dick’ story. Give us a break! Why do men have to do that? I mean come on fellas. Shame I suppose it’s the younger ones that still have something to prove. Moving along. Quickly!
Long story short, after a month of knowing Mr. C, here I was thinking to myself, I could have feelings for this little man. Even though it flirted with two best friends in front of me, cant dance for shit and is just plain old small, I confessed. As far as he is concerned we are the best of friends, I have been placed into the ‘familia’ category on his Mxit. She shoots, she scores. Anyway. Well after hearing him go on about this one and that one, I kept on telling myself that one day he will wake up and realize that I am the one he has been looking for his whole life. Shame on me! He is everything I DON’T want in a man. No matter how continental it is. Like mom said maybe in five or ten years time he will be perfect, but for now I will keep him as my remote. Not that he could ever compare with my purple friend; but that’s another chapter on its own.
The more I think about him, the more I am repulsed. I do feel for the kid, he is so lost and doesn’t have a clue what he is or what he wants. You see there is the blady Red Cross in me coming out again. Always go for the runt, fix him up and then we will all live happily ever after. More like happily NEVER after. Bless his little player heart.

Mommy dearest

Why must I run away from the one who has always protected me from the world?
Why must I run to the things that want to bring me down, that only give you death?
When all I want to do is live? How can I choose life if I am following death?
I know you want the best for us but sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing are the same.
I don’t know how hard it is for you but can you see me how hard it is for me?
I have been given life only for it to be lived by others. When will it be my turn?
When will I be aloud to play with the others and not just with whom I am aloud to play with.
I love you. I know you love me. I know you live for us but whom are we living for if we are not living.
Yes it hurts to let go but is letting go always the hardest thing to do when that is all we want.
You want to give us the world but we will settle for our freedom.
When will it be our turn to worry about you, ok so if you don’t have us then who do you have.
You have each other, how much more do you want to give us when you have given us life.
You have led us the right way, through the lumps and bumps of life, now stand back and watch us fly.
Fall we may, but that is exciting for us, because as you learnt some hard times some good times.
So too must we.